Mediocre at Best

 In 2022, knowing someone who lives a thousand miles away from you is easier than knowing your own neighbor. Meeting a real live person has become an infinitely harder task that it ever was. My parents, their parents, their parents parents, always had a rolodex of "Smiths" and "Johnsons" that they just always knew. I guess I always assumed that one day I would wake up and have my own Smiths and Johnsons that I took beach vacations with over our kids communal spring break or had drive way bonfires with every weekend in July. I don't know why I though this would be a natural occurrence or why I presumed these like minded people would just fall into my lap. Probably because 25 years ago, like minded people did just fall into your lap. There was no blogging, no Youtube, no Instagram, no internet even to allow people to branch out and realize that they are not, in fact, like minded at all. You didn't have the whole world at your fingertips, you had your neighbors, the Smiths and the Johnsons. And if you didn't think like they did or vice versa, you moved, or of course, lied. Nowadays you don't really have to move to find people you get along with or people who agree with you, you just need wifi and a device with a browser. That ease of access may have solved one issue, the moving, but I feel like the other solution people found when they didn't agree with those nearest to them, the lying, has gotten much much worse. 

Hear me out; the internet is a huge dark scary place where lots of people have a bone to pick with lots of other people and are not quiet or subtle about it. There is now a place for everyone and anyone to find community and acceptance from one obscure extreme to the next. That's great and all, but there have always been loud people at the forefront of everything. The most extreme ends are the ones that make the news and have been making the news, so to speak, long before there were Facebook groups. So then, how is it, with all this new technology and infinite resources and countless possibilities for everyone to find their place and all that, that everyone still talks about feeling alone? Because everyone lies. YAY pessimism! Sorry to be that person, but it's the truth. The biggest "faces" and number one representatives of every internet "community" are very VERY rarely themselves. There has been a trend, I've noticed, of late where all these Instagrammers and Youtubers make these long, drawn out posts encouraging people who follow them to understand that what we see is not these people's reality. It's a curated feed or video or post meant to attract viewers and likes and shares. They implore, "PLEASE don't compare yourself to me, this is just a snapshot of my life, real life is MESSY!" LOL SMILEY FACE. Yeah no shit Amberlyn or whatever the fuck your mom named you in 1995. I watch your cleaning videos not with hope to replicate it, but with envy that I know I'll never have that much time or money to spend on fucking clear plastic tubs for my non-existant walk-in pantry. Maybe I'll add them to my Amazon cart, but mortgages aint cheap and feeding my child a non-toxic diet aint either. I'm far too busy pretending to throw away everything in my house that has Red-40 in it to film my PANTRY UPDATE!!!! :D 

All jokes aside, do you see what I'm getting at now? In 1985, you could, like I said, either move to a neighborhood, city, state, whatever, where you knew that the people around you had the same basic values and priorities, or you could lie. Fast forward almost 40 years and people really still be out here LYING. Just because you explain very delicately or round-about-ly that you're lying, doesn't mean you're not still fucking lying Becky. So my question to you, to the world, to myself, is this: why? What is the point? Why continue to lie about yourself, your thoughts, your beliefs, your LIFE in general to the internet public? What are you gaining by creating "content" then in the same breath saying said content is just curated so don't worry about trying to live up to it my loyal followers....? That's some people's job, I get that. They get paid to do something a certain way. In that case, okay collect your bags miss, but also maybe make your disclaimer that you do this as a job so if you live in Bumfuck Wisconsin please don't think that you can also make six figures a year scrolling the internet and being quirky... Silly me, always thinking I'll be the exception...

In any case, I guess I just really wanted to express that, aside from trying to sound cool and funny and smart through writing, I want there to be a different internet place where real humans are in the limelight. I want to meet REAL people who actually know who I am and I'm not just a number in a follower count, another "omg happy birthday!" in the comments. Internet fame can certainly be a lucrative business and a relevant one at that, but it's fleeting. And when the next viral bathroom organization video hits, its like VH1 behind the music for all the other creators; Where Are They Now? 

I'll tell you this, I cannot dance to an English guy rapping about his income. I cannot stand vacuuming nor do I want anyone to see what I look like when I do it. I can't afford every single piece in The Home Edit's storefront. But I can get my kid to eat three meals a day that definitely do not all include scrambled eggs. I can eat a four pack of Root Beer Float Johnny Pops in six hours. I can make my husband laugh by reciting an obscure inside joke from 2018 eight hundred times a day. I don't think I will every be a perfect wife, mom, friend, daughter, or even human being. Will there be days that I pretend I am and rage clean my whole house and actually spend 15 minutes drawing on my one missing eyebrow I lost from the plucking obsession in 2007? For sure. Will those days be a whole lot less than days like today when I sit on my deck while my kid is napping drinking my watery iced coffee from this morning and smelling the dog shit I do not want to pick up bake in the yard? Also for sure. It's called balance, dear. I won't say I'll never lie about my self or my life again, cause you bet your ass I will. But at least I will also not lie about lying, if that makes sense. It doesn't really matter in the end cause not one single person knows what they're doing, we're all making it up as we go. Nobody is perfect, but we can all aim to be at least mediocre, at best. 

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